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I began down the road of my eating disorder when I was 12 years old. My parents seperated then divorced and being a child I suppose that I thought that if I could make myself sick or disappear I could either bring my parents together again or simply disappear - exist in a state without pain and fear. After nearly twenty years I have been anorexic, bulimic, and a compulsive overeater. My weight has fluctuated dramatically over the years from 100 pounds to 230 pounds packed onto a 5'4" frame. My battle is seemingly never ending, as I know it is for everyone who battles an ed in any form. I wish an end to this hideous cycle but fear for its loss, I am consumed by my ed both physically and emotionaly. I am tired of fighting but dispite all of this fatigue and frustration I can not or will not let it go. It is one of the few things I can call my own. It has shaped me and I have shaped it. We are each others creation.

My family has known about my ed since virtually the beginning. My father and twin (fraternal) sister have supported me beyond what many would and I would be dust without them. I have been hospitalized 3 times inpatient (for both the ed and depression) at the ages of 13, 15, and 16.

I cannot imagine what I have done to my body...not sure I want to know.

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